


i wish my father loved me more

by Princex_N



Category: Bill & Ted (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Autistic Ted "Theodore" Logan, Bad Parenting, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt, Family Issues, Gen, Internal Conflict, Movie: Bill & Ted Face the Music (2020)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 09:01:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29043534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Princex_N/pseuds/Princex_N
Summary: His dad hugs him like he could mean it for the first time since Ted was a little kid, and Ted's so happy he could almost overlook the small feeling in his chest that protests that something's still wrong.Almost.
Relationships: Captain Logan & Ted "Theodore" Logan, Ted "Theodore" Logan & Bill S. Preston Esq.
Kudos: 13





	i wish my father loved me more

**Author's Note:**

> title from [AJJ's song 'daddy'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8yn3esU484)

Ted knows he's probably way old to be this excited just over hearing an apology from his dad, but he can't really help it. Despite where they are, despite their most dire circumstances, despite all the years of festering hurt, Ted's still _totally_ excited, and why wouldn't he be? This is all he's been waiting to hear since he was a teenager. 

His dad hugs him like he could mean it for the first time since Ted was a little kid, and Ted's so happy he could almost overlook the small feeling in his chest that protests that something's still wrong. 

Almost. 

But then, right in Ted's ear, his dad says, "Not you, Bill" with the _same old_ derision in his voice in the face of Bill's delight, and Ted backs right out of his dad's arms real quick. All of the wiggly excitement in his chest falls right out, and the hurt tone that replaces it echoes out into Bill's voice, in his quiet little _'oh'._

See, Ted's not oblivious to the fact that other people think it's strange that he and Bill speak in united plural all the time, despite what the couples' therapist seemed to think. Mostly other people think it's weird and dumb, but Ted and Bill keep on doing it because that's just how the two of them are, how they work. 

Like, Bill and Ted aren't quite the same person, but they almost might as well be. Ted likes it that way, and he knows Bill does too. One person split between two bodies - what could _be_ more righteous than that? 

(He knows that other people can think the same way too, can understand it just as well as Bill and Ted do - if they want. Billie and Thea are the same with each other, and they've never taken issue with their dads being what they are. Even Liz and Joanna get it - that's why Ted had been so confused in couples' therapy in the first place, Liz had been the one who'd called them soulmates in the first place, almost right after they'd met. So other people _can_ get it, it's just that most of them don't.) 

So Bill says, "Yeah, thanks Chief Logan!" with all of Ted's excitement and Ted's dad says, "I wasn't talking to you, Bill" and Ted feels the hurt punch through his own chest as solidly as he knows it does to Bill's. 

(See, another thing is that Bill's dad died ten years ago, and even though he wasn't really all too great at understanding them before then either, Bill still _really_ misses him. Bill's been waiting as long as Ted has, for a shot like this, and the loss only made him want it more. Bill always knew better than Ted that Chief Logan wasn't gonna be the best chance at giving it, but that hadn't really stopped him from hoping either.) 

They both know there's no time for this now, so Ted keeps a little quiet because he keeps having to swallow a bunch, because the circumstances _are_ dire and everyone's moving on because it's busy and they've got both a time limit and better things to be doing, and even _despite_ all that, Ted doesn't want his dad to see him hurting anymore than he used to. Still, all the questions that grew to live in Ted's chest are busting to get out of his throat again, reignited by the conversation so bad they almost burn to keep inside. 

Questions like "Why do you still treat me like I'm stupid?" and "Why can't you accept that Bill's part of me too?" and "Why do you still talk like I'm always being selfish when I've been trying _so hard_ to make _you_ happy too?" and "Why can't you at least be _nice_ to us?". Questions like "Have you _ever_ really seen me?". But even now, even after he knows the truth and believes it, Ted doubts that his dad will have any good answers to them. 

Ted tries to tell himself that he should be happy with that much at least, because shouldn't he be? Isn't that what he'd wanted all this time? For his dad to _finally_ understand that Ted and Bill had been telling the truth the whole time? But it doesn't take long for him to realize the problem with that either, because Ted had never _quite_ wanted his dad to just _believe_ him, had he? He'd only really wanted his dad to support him, accept him, regardless of whether he thought their journey's had been real or not.

'Cause even with the stuff that Ted's dad could have seen for himself the whole time - that Ted doesn't like getting called names, or that he _has_ been trying real hard to make sure his dad was happy too, or that he did have trouble doing stuff sometimes and actual help would have been way more useful than just getting made fun of for it - even with all that stuff Ted's dad never did much about it. Even now, Chief Logan says "unite the world" before he says "I support you", and that had never really been the point. 

But, again, there _really_ isn't time, and there's even less privacy, so Ted swallows it all back and makes his brain stop thinking about it. Shoves it all in that box in his head and goes back to pretending it isn't there, and he knows his dad doesn't notice only because he _never_ has, and nothing's really changed, has it? Billie gives him an excited little grin, and Ted makes himself mimic it back, because maybe his dad _will_ start being nice to her again at least, right? (At least, Ted really hopes so.) 

But it's Bill who meets Ted's sad eyes with his own, and who nods in understanding and reaches out to squeeze Ted's hand with a quiet, "I know, dude," as they're moving on to find Death, because they do _have to_ move on. 

The hurt settles into place, low in Ted's chest with all the others from the past forty years of conversations and arguments, and nothing really changes at all. 

Some stupid, young part of Ted still can't help but hope it still could. 

(Ted knows he's still way too old for that, but he still can't really help it. It's his _dad_ , dude. Ted can't help it at all.) 

**Author's Note:**

> haha, tfw right guys?? 
> 
> [my tumblr](https://princex-n.tumblr.com/)


End file.
